Decisions

Lately, I have been really struggling with being a Working Mom. Financially I know that I would not be able to stay at home but that doesn't stop me from feeling the desire to. For several months now my one wish has been that I would be able to spend more time with Addison. Between working and studying for the CPA and the many other things that come up in life the days are flying by and she is growing more and more. As tax season approaches it makes this subject weigh even heavier on my heart. I do not want to miss one laugh or giggle, everytime she kisses me or gives me a hug and lays her head on my shoulder it melts my heart. I know these moments are few because one day she will grow up and instead of smiling and laughing she will be rolling her eyes. Money isn't everything but time is. I have talked to several people about this and what my options might be and I must say that I appreciate everyone's support. Before Addison I would have laughed at this idea and said not me I love working the crazy hours of tax season. I completley understand now what people told me when I was pregnant, that children change your life forever! Addison has changed mine in ways I can not even imagine, and this post being a very big example. So what am I going to do? Only time will tell but I am praying about this and have finally told a FEW in my family and friends. This isn't something I am broadcasting until I figure this situation out. Now that I have told people it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of my chest and I feel like I am working towards solving my dilemma. I wish I had a picture for some of the reactions that I got because anyone who knows me knows that I am driven and what I want out of life and all of the studying and school. But when I say that statement I hear "I" and I am now a "we". A "we" who 20 years from now does not want to look back and regret not doing everything I could to spend every second with my baby and hopefully future babies. My Aunt said you know when I was young with babies we worked all the time because we were so concerned about money but I think people have it all wrong, I think you should enjoy those moments when you're young and you can work your butt off when your kids are 20 and they move out of the house. And I believe she is right, it makes sense most of the people at my office who work a million hours (except for one) do not have children at home so they fill their time with work. When I told Dan my feelings I was about to study for my next portion of the CPA exam for the night and he said, "You want to give all of this up". I said I am not giving anything up, but later I thought about this statement and when you put it in perspective most people would give up anything or do anything for their child. So just be praying for me and the road that lay ahead. I appreciate all of the support I have gotten, I do not know why I was hesitiant to share my feelings especially to my husband. He is always so supporting and so loving and wants me to do whatever will make me happy because if I am happy he is happy. I am beyond blessed with amazingly supportive people in my life, and the most precious baby girl! If you don't agree check out this video:

Addison woke up in the middle of the night and had one paci in her mouth and two in each hand. She only gets her paci at night now but she still loves them, if she spots one that she has thrown out of her crib, yes thrown, she pops it in her mouth and bites on it so I can't get it out.

Lessons Learned

Well I have learned a very good lesson as a Mother that could be very helpful to others. Rashes are normal and occur frequently in babies/toddlers. Friday I picked Addison up early to go to the Homecoming parade and I noticed as I was putting her in her car seat that there were a few bumps on her stomach but her skin is pretty sensitive so I just dismissed it. After the parade I met Angel at Subway and Maddie asks me, "Why does Addison have bug bites on her tummy?". I look and her stomach is covered then 30 minutes later it is on her neck and face, I drive straight from Subway to Medex and it is on her back. As the doctor is examining her it continues to spread, the doctor at Medex told me she didn't know what it was and I needed to go to the ER. Everyone knows and any nurse or doctor will tell you to go to Flagler Hospital in St. Augustine, so I did. After waiting close to 3 hours, mind you I got there at 7 p.m. I find out that it is just a virus she has a low fever but there is nothing they can do it just has to run it's course. She not acting lethargic (she was her normal happy go lucky self) and she was well hydrated and still eating like a champ. This is actually the third skin rash that has turned out to be just a virus. The first I took her to the doctor, the second I called, and well the third is this one and none of them have looked or felt the same. This one freaked me out because it spread so fast, and I think that is what made the doctor at MedEx send me to the ER, she even commented that it had spread before her eyes. So word to the wise if your child gets a rash, unless they are running an insanely high fever, not eating or drinking, and acting lethargic, it will pass. I would have saved myself a stressful night, and a $100 co-pay.
Speaking of the Homecoming parade, wow. I wonder if we thought we were that cool in high school while looking so stupid. No, but really I was excited to see the floats and the band and the cheerleaders and Homecoming court. We saw the cheerleaders and well the band is so small it is kind of pathetic, they were wearing jeans and t-shirts, and as for the floats you really can't see what they look like because there are so many students on them. The trailers that were used for floats did seem pretty small though compared to what I remember. Addison liked the parade and it brought back a flood of memories, I even got a little teary eyed. Yes I am a complete sap now a days thanks to my new outlook on life, the motherly outlook. I was teary eyed for two reasons, one, I couldn't help but to think of how free we were then. Our biggest worry was whether some upper and/or lower class men was going to come trash our float. It actually kind of makes me laugh now on what we thought was going to be the end of the world. The second reason is I was wondering if Addison would one day be in that parade or if Homecoming parades and football would even be a big deal when she is in high school and if they are who is she going to be the cheerleader or what? I am personally leaning towards cheerleader because this girl can dance and if she hears any music she will stop and dance. I want her to have every opportunity to be whatever she wants to be, within my limits, haha. I already know what dance studio and what gymnastics place I am going to send her, yes I am a freak.
I can't finish this post without saying Congratulations to my BFFE, Audrey on her new baby girl Olivia! I am so happy for Audrey and Daniel and the love that has been brought into their lives. All of you none mothers are probably rolling your eyes but one day you will understand why us Mother's are so obsessed with our kids and I understand why you are rolling your eyes! LOL! After finally going to bed around midnight last night and waking up this morning at 7, which is sleeping in for my child, which by the way before Addison I would have laughed at you if you would have told me that 7 in the morning would be considered sleeping in. Anyways, I was thinking and praying for Audrey and Olivia and I thought of something Angel told me not too long after I was home from the hospital with Addison. She asked me how I was doing and of course I said I am just so tired. She told me oh you will get used to it, you're going to be tired for the rest of your life. In my mind I was thinking this woman is CRAZY! How could I get used to feeling like this and unfortunately it is true. I am tired all the time but I love my life and I love my Addison! Audrey if you are reading this I am sending special prayers your way, the first week or so is a major adjustment but let your motherly instincts kick in because they will and they are amazing. Any other baby your arm would start to ache after holding for an extended period of time but not your own. I used to not understand the difference between other people's baby's cries, but I know exactly what all of Addison's mean. She has a cry for almost every emotion! Some how we are wired to understand all that is baby once we pop one out, God truly is amazing! Oh and earlier I wasn't trying to hate on what PHS has become even 6 and a half years later I was still excited to go to the parade, I hope one day the football team returns to it's former glory days, because we were the bomb.com ;)!

Just for Lindy

Ok so last weekend was Addison's birthday party and we had seperate parties one at my Dad's and one at my Mom's but I will post pictures when I get them bc pictures tell the story much better than me.

So are whole moving situation is going NOWHERE! I wish it was because we recently found that someone had unscrewed our floodlights, which is so creepy. Right now we are in the process of making sure EVERYTHING is covered under insurance. So basically if anyone needs any advice on how to deal with greedy insurance companies hit me up. The most important thing is to make sure you have pictures and/or receipts for anything valuable. Lesson learned the hardway.

I got my score back for the first part of the CPA exam that I took and I missed it by 1 point!! One point! After I take the second section (Auditing) I am going to retake it and kick it's booty!! I would not normally share something like this for creepers to see but most people have to take the CPA exam multiple times it is one of the hardest licensing exams there is, so missing it by one point ain't so bad. Plus the first part is the longest and hardest. I really want to knock it out of the park because next year I would LIKE to have baby number 2!!! Yes Ladies and Gents it is true. In order for this baby to happen I would need several things to happen one, find a new home, two pass the majority of the CPA exam I think I could handle one section during the beginning but after the 6th month not so sure, and one other but that is a change I can not give away right now. Although I am not so sure how Addison would handle this new baby, she is not a brat and doesn't demand everyone's attention but she does get jealous. About a month ago her MeMe took another baby at her daycare who at the time was 8 weeks old. She has gotten over some of her jealousy but if she wants her MeMe and she is holding the baby, once MeMe puts he baby down Addison will seriously try to get to the baby I guess to smack him. We never really find out because we don't let her in his close space. He was a premie and is still little so she would probably hurt him. Then at her first birthday I was holding Hadley, Jillian (Martin) Griffith's baby and Jillian was holding Addison and let's just say she gave Hadley the glare and whined till I took her back. It is beyond amazing the emotions and things that Addison copies and she is only 12 months old.
That amazingness is what has put me in my current personal struggle. I never in a million years thought that I would want to be a stay at home Mom but I do. I always thought that I would get my degree and be a "career" woman because I never wanted to rely on anyone for money or support. However being a mother seriously changes your life in ways that you could not ever imagine. I love my little Princess with all my heart and I do not want to miss a second of her life. However I have bills to pay and will not be able to be a stay at home until the economy seriously picks up, we are a two income household.

Thoughts Running

Well after seeing two of my friend's blogs I thought this was an excellent idea so that everyone who I do not talk too or get to see often can keep up with my family! I am not going to go back and catch everyone up but go forward! This concept is how I came up with the title of the blog. I find myself always looking forward to the future or always looking to tomorrow. Now that I have Addison I find myself living in the present more or at least wanting to live in the present. She is constantly learning and growing and she is never the exact same as she was yesterday because she is learning something new and with each tomorrow she grows bigger. It saddens me that she will never be the same again that she is only one once and because of this realization I have forced myself to live in the moment.

That all being said as of today I am studying for the second part of the CPA exam, Auditing, it is not as large as the first one I took (Financial) so I will take this one in October. Studying 30 hours in all of my spare time when Addison is sleeping is getting old fast. Oh Addison is not only walking now she is running so I can not get anything done while she is awake. It is amazing how much energy she has I wish I had a 1/4 of it! Recently Dan's truck was broken into again, they threw a brick through the window and several valuable items were stolen, and they also broke into our cabinents under the carport that were locked, and stole tools. So the search has begun for us to find a new home, we are planning to rent our home out until the market turns around. A lot of homes in our neighborhood our rentals and our neighborhood is going south fast. There were a few other incidents where we felt threatened so we are really praying that something changes soon. We looked at two houses to purchase when looking for a place to rent this weekend but their owners want more than they are worth, but who doesn't. Anyone who can is holding out until the market turns around.

Addison cried for her MeMe, Latressa who keeps her during the day when I picked her up today. It was the first time and it was bittersweet. Addison is saying Mama, Dada, Baba, Duck, Blue, Yellow, Meme, Baby, Dog, Yes, No, Ball, Pop, and she will try to repeat anything you say but it doesn't always come out correctly.