Lately, I have been really struggling with being a Working Mom. Financially I know that I would not be able to stay at home but that doesn't stop me from feeling the desire to. For several months now my one wish has been that I would be able to spend more time with Addison. Between working and studying for the CPA and the many other things that come up in life the days are flying by and she is growing more and more. As tax season approaches it makes this subject weigh even heavier on my heart. I do not want to miss one laugh or giggle, everytime she kisses me or gives me a hug and lays her head on my shoulder it melts my heart. I know these moments are few because one day she will grow up and instead of smiling and laughing she will be rolling her eyes. Money isn't everything but time is. I have talked to several people about this and what my options might be and I must say that I appreciate everyone's support. Before Addison I would have laughed at this idea and said not me I love working the crazy hours of tax season. I completley understand now what people told me when I was pregnant, that children change your life forever! Addison has changed mine in ways I can not even imagine, and this post being a very big example. So what am I going to do? Only time will tell but I am praying about this and have finally told a FEW in my family and friends. This isn't something I am broadcasting until I figure this situation out. Now that I have told people it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off of my chest and I feel like I am working towards solving my dilemma. I wish I had a picture for some of the reactions that I got because anyone who knows me knows that I am driven and what I want out of life and all of the studying and school. But when I say that statement I hear "I" and I am now a "we". A "we" who 20 years from now does not want to look back and regret not doing everything I could to spend every second with my baby and hopefully future babies. My Aunt said you know when I was young with babies we worked all the time because we were so concerned about money but I think people have it all wrong, I think you should enjoy those moments when you're young and you can work your butt off when your kids are 20 and they move out of the house. And I believe she is right, it makes sense most of the people at my office who work a million hours (except for one) do not have children at home so they fill their time with work. When I told Dan my feelings I was about to study for my next portion of the CPA exam for the night and he said, "You want to give all of this up". I said I am not giving anything up, but later I thought about this statement and when you put it in perspective most people would give up anything or do anything for their child. So just be praying for me and the road that lay ahead. I appreciate all of the support I have gotten, I do not know why I was hesitiant to share my feelings especially to my husband. He is always so supporting and so loving and wants me to do whatever will make me happy because if I am happy he is happy. I am beyond blessed with amazingly supportive people in my life, and the most precious baby girl! If you don't agree check out this video:
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Lessons Learned
Well I have learned a very good lesson as a Mother that could be very helpful to others. Rashes are normal and occur frequently in babies/toddlers. Friday I picked Addison up early to go to the Homecoming parade and I noticed as I was putting her in her car seat that there were a few bumps on her stomach but her skin is pretty sensitive so I just dismissed it. After the parade I met Angel at Subway and Maddie asks me, "Why does Addison have bug bites on her tummy?". I look and her stomach is covered then 30 minutes later it is on her neck and face, I drive straight from Subway to Medex and it is on her back. As the doctor is examining her it continues to spread, the doctor at Medex told me she didn't know what it was and I needed to go to the ER. Everyone knows and any nurse or doctor will tell you to go to Flagler Hospital in St. Augustine, so I did. After waiting close to 3 hours, mind you I got there at 7 p.m. I find out that it is just a virus she has a low fever but there is nothing they can do it just has to run it's course. She not acting lethargic (she was her normal happy go lucky self) and she was well hydrated and still eating like a champ. This is actually the third skin rash that has turned out to be just a virus. The first I took her to the doctor, the second I called, and well the third is this one and none of them have looked or felt the same. This one freaked me out because it spread so fast, and I think that is what made the doctor at MedEx send me to the ER, she even commented that it had spread before her eyes. So word to the wise if your child gets a rash, unless they are running an insanely high fever, not eating or drinking, and acting lethargic, it will pass. I would have saved myself a stressful night, and a $100 co-pay.
Speaking of the Homecoming parade, wow. I wonder if we thought we were that cool in high school while looking so stupid. No, but really I was excited to see the floats and the band and the cheerleaders and Homecoming court. We saw the cheerleaders and well the band is so small it is kind of pathetic, they were wearing jeans and t-shirts, and as for the floats you really can't see what they look like because there are so many students on them. The trailers that were used for floats did seem pretty small though compared to what I remember. Addison liked the parade and it brought back a flood of memories, I even got a little teary eyed. Yes I am a complete sap now a days thanks to my new outlook on life, the motherly outlook. I was teary eyed for two reasons, one, I couldn't help but to think of how free we were then. Our biggest worry was whether some upper and/or lower class men was going to come trash our float. It actually kind of makes me laugh now on what we thought was going to be the end of the world. The second reason is I was wondering if Addison would one day be in that parade or if Homecoming parades and football would even be a big deal when she is in high school and if they are who is she going to be the cheerleader or what? I am personally leaning towards cheerleader because this girl can dance and if she hears any music she will stop and dance. I want her to have every opportunity to be whatever she wants to be, within my limits, haha. I already know what dance studio and what gymnastics place I am going to send her, yes I am a freak.
I can't finish this post without saying Congratulations to my BFFE, Audrey on her new baby girl Olivia! I am so happy for Audrey and Daniel and the love that has been brought into their lives. All of you none mothers are probably rolling your eyes but one day you will understand why us Mother's are so obsessed with our kids and I understand why you are rolling your eyes! LOL! After finally going to bed around midnight last night and waking up this morning at 7, which is sleeping in for my child, which by the way before Addison I would have laughed at you if you would have told me that 7 in the morning would be considered sleeping in. Anyways, I was thinking and praying for Audrey and Olivia and I thought of something Angel told me not too long after I was home from the hospital with Addison. She asked me how I was doing and of course I said I am just so tired. She told me oh you will get used to it, you're going to be tired for the rest of your life. In my mind I was thinking this woman is CRAZY! How could I get used to feeling like this and unfortunately it is true. I am tired all the time but I love my life and I love my Addison! Audrey if you are reading this I am sending special prayers your way, the first week or so is a major adjustment but let your motherly instincts kick in because they will and they are amazing. Any other baby your arm would start to ache after holding for an extended period of time but not your own. I used to not understand the difference between other people's baby's cries, but I know exactly what all of Addison's mean. She has a cry for almost every emotion! Some how we are wired to understand all that is baby once we pop one out, God truly is amazing! Oh and earlier I wasn't trying to hate on what PHS has become even 6 and a half years later I was still excited to go to the parade, I hope one day the football team returns to it's former glory days, because we were the bomb.com ;)!
Speaking of the Homecoming parade, wow. I wonder if we thought we were that cool in high school while looking so stupid. No, but really I was excited to see the floats and the band and the cheerleaders and Homecoming court. We saw the cheerleaders and well the band is so small it is kind of pathetic, they were wearing jeans and t-shirts, and as for the floats you really can't see what they look like because there are so many students on them. The trailers that were used for floats did seem pretty small though compared to what I remember. Addison liked the parade and it brought back a flood of memories, I even got a little teary eyed. Yes I am a complete sap now a days thanks to my new outlook on life, the motherly outlook. I was teary eyed for two reasons, one, I couldn't help but to think of how free we were then. Our biggest worry was whether some upper and/or lower class men was going to come trash our float. It actually kind of makes me laugh now on what we thought was going to be the end of the world. The second reason is I was wondering if Addison would one day be in that parade or if Homecoming parades and football would even be a big deal when she is in high school and if they are who is she going to be the cheerleader or what? I am personally leaning towards cheerleader because this girl can dance and if she hears any music she will stop and dance. I want her to have every opportunity to be whatever she wants to be, within my limits, haha. I already know what dance studio and what gymnastics place I am going to send her, yes I am a freak.
I can't finish this post without saying Congratulations to my BFFE, Audrey on her new baby girl Olivia! I am so happy for Audrey and Daniel and the love that has been brought into their lives. All of you none mothers are probably rolling your eyes but one day you will understand why us Mother's are so obsessed with our kids and I understand why you are rolling your eyes! LOL! After finally going to bed around midnight last night and waking up this morning at 7, which is sleeping in for my child, which by the way before Addison I would have laughed at you if you would have told me that 7 in the morning would be considered sleeping in. Anyways, I was thinking and praying for Audrey and Olivia and I thought of something Angel told me not too long after I was home from the hospital with Addison. She asked me how I was doing and of course I said I am just so tired. She told me oh you will get used to it, you're going to be tired for the rest of your life. In my mind I was thinking this woman is CRAZY! How could I get used to feeling like this and unfortunately it is true. I am tired all the time but I love my life and I love my Addison! Audrey if you are reading this I am sending special prayers your way, the first week or so is a major adjustment but let your motherly instincts kick in because they will and they are amazing. Any other baby your arm would start to ache after holding for an extended period of time but not your own. I used to not understand the difference between other people's baby's cries, but I know exactly what all of Addison's mean. She has a cry for almost every emotion! Some how we are wired to understand all that is baby once we pop one out, God truly is amazing! Oh and earlier I wasn't trying to hate on what PHS has become even 6 and a half years later I was still excited to go to the parade, I hope one day the football team returns to it's former glory days, because we were the bomb.com ;)!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)